So, you know in horror movies when the characters, or what’s left of them, survive a few killings and not-so-believable scares and the one character – who doesn’t know that he/she is in a horror movie – says, “Well, let’s go check out that noise in the woods/basement/dark alley/closet. What’s the worse that could happen?” And then we, and they, proceed to find out what the worse thing that could happen is. Because they jinxed it. And they’re in a horror movie and didn’t know it.
Thing is, sometimes I feel like I’m in a horror movie. Except it’s more like a non-horror horror movie. Where the things I fear or think are super scary (like change or what people think of me) aren’t as big/important/frightening as I’ve made them out to be. Ever seen Abandon? Where there’s all this lead up and moments of “suspense” and absolutely nothing happens? Yeah, it’s kinda like that.
I know what kind of movie I’m living in. It’s a latent coming-of-age story with a plucky hero that feels like you’ve seen it before but has enough interesting plot twists to keep you rooting until the very end. Two thumbs up.
I know that things aren’t as bad as they seem. I know that I’m fine and should really enjoy the journey and the good things that are happening in my life. I know that I should trust myself and my instincts because they’re usually spot on.
But, J’ai peur du jour où je n’aurai plus peur. What will I do when I don’t spend a day worrying about something? What will my life be like if I allow myself to live fully, joyously in the moment? The day in which I have no fear?
Really, what’s the worse that could happen?