PROCRASTINATION LEVEL: EXPERT

A bit of neology on the subject of procrastination. Now you can take your procrastination to a whole new level!

procrastiblog – To blog instead of doing work IRL. I will procrastiblog on the merits of moustache wax and THEN I can shop for groceries.

procrasticlean – As coined by friend DW. To clean instead of checking off items of high priority on your To Do List. How can I get any of these things done when there’s so much housework to be done first! I must procrasticlean the fridge before I draft my Declaration of War!

procrasticraft – To create, crochet, or otherwise craft instead of doing whatever it is you “should” be doing. Just procrasticrafting these cute unicorns out of macaroni, washi tape, and bits of my cat’s fur from a tutorial I found on Pinterest! 

procrastidoodle – To draw aimlessly on a notepad or piece of paper on which you are supposed to be taking notes while paying attention in class. Also can occur when chatting on the phone. During a four-hour conversation with her boyfriend as he related, verbatim, the merits of various kinds of moustache wax, Amy realised that she had indeed procrastidoodled a rather fine likeness of Putin riding a unicorn – instead of working on her homework. Or listening to her boyfriend.  

procrastify To testify of procrastination. Also a verbal, gospel-like response. And on the eighth day, the Lord did look at the next item on His To Do List and He did procrastisnooze. Because He was tired and making a world is hard business! Amen, Brother! Procrastify! 

procrastisurf – To surf the internet instead of, oh say, anything else. I’ll just procrastisurf this article and then I’ll get right back to work.

procrastisnooze – To become so lethargic at the thought of activity of any sort that you physically have to take a nap. Alright. No procrastisnoozing. I HAVE to clean the house and walk the dog and do my taxes and maybe I’ll just take a little power nap… zzzzzz. 

procrastiwank – To distract yourself by deriving personal, physical pleasures. Do you really need this in a sentence?

procrastipin – To accomplish next to nothing as you scroll endlessly through PinterestAfter four straight hours of procrastipinning, Amy looked up from her computer to find her boyfriend asleep, clutching a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a dozen, red roses – his attempt to rectify the unfortunately boring four hour moustache wax debacle.

procrastishame – To shame someone for excessive procrastination; to feel the shame of having nothing accomplished by way of procrastination. See also procrastiguilt.

Procrastination Level: EXPERT

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5 thoughts on “PROCRASTINATION LEVEL: EXPERT

  1. I’d like to suggest mine own variation

    Procrastidrink – To finish the bottle before working, because otherwise you’ll just be tempted by it later.

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