BRINGING SEXY BACK. WITH YOGURT.

Sex sells.

DUH, you say. We ALL knew that.

I hear you. And I know it too. What I wonder is:

Why is EVERYTHING orgasmic? 

Everything, you say? According to the TV and the Internet, every product can be a sexy product if you try hard enough. In fact, you don’t really have to try at all. All you have to do is have a good looking gal trussed up in sommat fancy-like and dub in some high-energy, Cosmo-guided orgasm noises. Product SOLD.

Here are a list of my top 3 (apparently) orgasmic products:

Yogurt – If you eat this yogurt you will have the biggest foodgasm. In the back of a limo.

Shampoo & Conditioner – Get those ‘gasms from your shower as you shampoo and condition your way to smoother, silkier, er… more vibrant hair.

Shoes – Click your way to a $39.95 shoegasm! Do it again, girl!

Super sexy butter shoes. NSFW. You're welcome.

Super sexy butter shoes. NSFW. You’re welcome.

Here’s the thing. I USE ALL of these products. I’ve been known to shampoo and condition my hair yet I’ve never had the pleasure (ha) of reaching follicle cleanliness of orgasmic proportions. I eat yogurt. It is greek yogurt with honey. As delicious as it is, not once have I received even a goose bumble from my yogurt. Nor have I experienced even a slight tingle in my nether regions over a pair of $39.95 shoes. Is it just me? Is anyone else having these revolutionary moments with these products? Are they… as advertised? Maybe I’m missing something? Let me know!

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