I’m always a little suspicious of happiness. I’m also amazed at how some people can be truly happy most and/or all of the time. Me? I tiptoe around happiness, fully aware that at any moment life could turn bull in a china shop and break ALL THE THINGS.
Here’s how my universe seems to work:
Things and life are going okay. Nothing too exciting and nothing too boring. It could be said that this time is fair to middling’. Things are okay. Yep, A-OK. For now.
Things then start to pick up. Positive reactions. Life seems to be looking good. I… I might be happy?
Dare we even say it? Everything’s coming up ME! Free upgrades? Why, thank you! Thesis going well? Sweet! Still running high after a great vacation? Yessir, I am! I’m so blessed and lucky and full of positive energies!
Then, something shitty happens. Let’s say, for example, losing £65 at the mall. WHILST window shopping. And the clerks in the stores are all, “Oh, you’ve lost something? Hm. That sucks.” And YOU’RE ALL, “…so shall I leave my info on the off chance it gets turned in by some thoughtful citizen?” And they go, “Huh, yeah… I didn’t even offer that as a suggestion or offer to escort you to the place where you could actually do that because my understanding of customer service is stunted and I couldn’t really care less.”
SIDE NOTE: I’ve heard people complain about the phrase, “I couldn’t care less” and the grammatical implications thereof. And I have to say that they COULDN”T. CARE. LESS. As in there couldn’t have been any less care taken in my situation. Nuff said.
So, yeah. THIS is why I’m overly cautious about the level of happiness I’ll allow myself to feel. I know spit happens. But it never seems to happen when things are just going okay. It seems to happen rather soon after the good starts to appear. Then, like a karmic slap, in comes the, er, SPIT.
That’s why, if you were to ask me how I am and how things are going, I would answer thus:
Yeah, thing’s are alright. Pretty good, overall. Lots of things to work on but I think I’m doing pretty well.
Even though on the inside I’m rather (cautiously) optimistic and (reluctantly) excited about my life at this point in time. But only on the inside. Don’t want to get spit on. Or slapped.