When you struggle with the Anxiety, it can be a bit stressful just dealing with everyday tasks. There seems to be so much to do and you must do all the things but it feels like you have to do them all at the same time or at least find an order and what will I do about all the things that I have to do and…
I can keep a lot of things going in my brain but sometimes the stress can be very overwhelming and nothing ends up getting done. If things get too out of hand by this point and my brain is strung out like a cymbal monkey on speed, I usually do one of two things. Sleep, or create lists. Sleep is great but oft times can leave you more exhausted than when you dozed off. Also, nothing gets done. In come the lists.
There are lists of things to do at home. Lists of things to do outside of the home. Lists that have to do with school. Lists that keep track of all the other lists. All of these lists are on brightly coloured post-it notes that end up scattered around my room. They’re on the walls, they’re on my computer, and eventually they find their way into the bottom of my bag where they hide amongst the rubble like stealthy ninjas, blending into the shadows and the mysterious black hole at the bottom. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the place where the keys go. And the gum. It’s a bit like the black hole in Wristcutters.
Most of the time the lists help. They give a sense of structure, a sense of purpose. And once in a great while, when I actually complete everything on my lists, it’s like a small win. A victory over the Anxiety. And that’s a really good feeling.